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Author: George Washington Dated: unknown Source: the
book, "Art, Society and Accomplishments" (1891) Our theme of "Victorian Virtues " would not be complete without the following "recipe" for rules of civility and decent behavior in company as set forth by the first President of the United States. . . |
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"Maxims of George Washington" "Every action in company ought to be some sign of respect to those who are present. In presence of others sing not to yourself, nor drum with your fingers or your feet. Speak not when others speak. Sit no when others stand, and walk not when others stop. Turn
not your back on others, especially in speaking. Jog not the table on
which another reads or writes, Be no flatterer, neither play with any one that delights not to be played with. Read no letters, books, or papers in company. But when there is a necessity for doing it, you must ask leave. Come not near the books or writings of any one so as to read them unasked. Also, look not nigh when another is writing a letter. Let your countenance be pleasant, but in serious matters somewhat grave. Show not yourself glad at the misfortune of another, though he were your enemy. They that are in dignity of office have in all places precedence. But whilst they are young, they ought to respect those that are their equals in birth or other qualities, though they have no public charge. It is good manners to prefer them to whom we speak before ourselves, especially if they be above us. Let your discourse with men of business be short and comprehensive. In visiting the sick do not presently play the physician if you be not knowing therein. In writing or speaking give to every person his due, according to his degree and the custom of the place. Strive not with your superiors in argument, but always submit your judgment to others in modesty. Undertake not to teach your equal in the art he himself professes; it savors of arrogance. When a man does all he can, though it succeeds not well, blame not him that did it. Being to advise or reprehend any one, consider whether it ought to be in pubic or in private, presently or at some other time, also in what terms to do it; and in reproving show no signs of choler, but do it with sweetness and mildness. Mock not nor jest at anything of importance; break no jests that are sharp or biting; and if you deliver anything witty or pleasant, abstain from laughing thereat yourself. Wherein you reprove another be unblamable yourself, for example is more prevalent than precept. Use no reproachful language against any one, neither curses nor revilings. Be not hasty to believe flying reports to the disparagement of any one. In your apparel be modest, and endeavor to accommodate nature rather than procure admiration. Keep to the fashion of your equals, such as are civil and orderly with respect to time and place. Play not the peacock, looking everywhere about you to see if you be well decked, if your shoes fit well, if your stockings set neatly, and clothes handsomely. Associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem your reputation, for it is better to be alone than in bad company. Let your conversation be without malice or envy, for it is a sign of tractable and commendable nature; and in all causes of passion admit reason to govern. Be not immodest in urging your friend to discover a secret. Utter not base and frivolous things amongst grown and learned men, nor very difficult questions or subjects amongst the ignorant, nor things hard to be believed. Speak not of doleful things in time of mirth, nor at the table. Speak not of melancholy things or death and wounds; and if others mention them, change, if you can, the discourse. Tell not your dreams, but to your intimate friends. Break not a jest when none take pleasure in mirth. Laugh not aloud nor at all without occasion. Deride no man's misfortune, though there seems to be some cause. Speak not injurious words, neither in jest nor earnest. Scoff not at none, although they give occasion. Be
not forward, but friendly and courteous, the first to salute, hear and
answer, and be not pensive Detract not from others, but neither be excessive in commending. Go not thither where you know not whether you shall be welcome or not. Give not advice without being asked. And when desired, do it briefly. If two contend together, take not the part of either unconstrained, and be not obstinate in your opinion; in things indifferent, be on the major side. Reprehend not the imperfection of others, for that belongs to parents, masters and superiors. Gaze not on the marks or blemishes of others, and ask not how they came. What you may speak in secret to your friend deliver not before others. Speak not in an unknown tongue before company, but in your own language. And that as those of quality do, and not as the vulgar. Sublime matters treat seriously. Think before you speak, pronounce not imperfectly, nor bring out your words too hastily, but orderly and distinctly. When another speaks be attentive yourself, and disturb not the audience. If any hesitate in his words, help him not nor prompt him without being desired; interrupt him not, nor answer him till his speech is ended. Treat with men at fit times about business, and whisper not in the company of others. Make
no comparisons; and if any of the company be commended for any brave act
of virtue, Be not apt to relate news if you know not the truth thereof. In discoursing of things that you have heard, name not your author always. A secret discover not. Be not curious to know the affairs of others, neither approach to those that speak in private. Undertake not what you cannot perform; but be careful to keep your promise. When you deliver a matter, do it without passion and indiscretion, however mean the person may be you do it to. When your superiors talk to anybody, hear them; neither speak nor laugh. In disputes be not so desirous to overcome as not to give liberty to each one to deliver his opinion, and submit to the judgment of the major part, especially if they are judges of the dispute. Be not tedious in discourse, make not many digressions, nor repeat often the same matter of discourse. Speak no evil of the absent, for it is unjust. Be not angry at table, whatever happens; and if you have reason to be so, show it not; put on a cheerful countenance, especially if there be strangers, for good humor makes one dish a feast. Set not yourself at the upper end of the table; but if it be your due, or the master of the house will have it so, contend not, lest you should trouble the company. When
you speak of God or his attributes, let it be seriously, in reverence
and in honor, and obey your Let your recreations be manful, not sinful. Labor to keep alive in your breast that little spark of celestial fire called conscience.
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